Road Test
Dear petrol heads, hello and welcome to our road test.
Today we will compare two cars: the popular Antidan-4 and the
trusted Budo D4. First we turn to the Antidan-4.
Exterior
The appealing body work with its shiny black paint
promises a high quality product and invites for closer
examination. Its vibrant lines adopt instantly to any taste.
Amply dimensioned fenders cover almost
flat tires.
Let's take a look at the boot. Its rather
small size appears much larger because of multiple partitioning and
a mirror. A view into the engine bay does not provide
any profound insight; everything is encapsulated and only
the label "Super Sport
Infection" alludes to the
content.
Interior
The overdimensioned doors open automatically, almost
pulling bystanders inside and pushing them into
comfortable but non-supportive club chairs. Special headrests force the passengers into a
soporific nodding position. A pleasing interior conveys a sense of
obtrusive familiarity and makes one drift imperceptibly into a
lethargic mood.
Continously self-folding rear seats reveal parts of the
chassis. An interwoven set of colored ropes keeps the Antidan-4 together and elucidates its
underlying construction
principle.
Huge wipers obstruct the view through the windscreen. The
rear visibility is diminished by a bobblehead greenbelt which
is a load-bearing element and thus cannot be removed. Pink colored
side windows cater for a jolly interpretation of the surroundings.
The mirrors' strange curvature shows
unique images in line with the product
philosophy.
The equipment is comprehensive but misses the
point. The purpose of tow bars
mounted on all sides of the vehicle remains
unclear.
Driving
Several safety belts smoothly embrace the
passengers, signaling their readiness by a friendly click sound.
This contrasts with the engine, which immediately revs up and
attracts attention with deafening noise. While the horn
resembles a little kitten's purr, the exhaust sounds like a farting
hippo.
All cars of the Antidan Series are equipped
with an automatic gearbox to which one has to surrender.
The gears are hastily shifted up, which is indicated on the
instrument panel by a series of colored lights. The contrast
between high revs and gentle acceleration emphasizes once more
the brand philosophy. Negligible torque leaves even the most
sensitive
person unbothered.
The chassis takes the edge off any journey and estranges
from the efforts of the way. The interaction between steering
and brakes reacts reluctantly to direction changes. Most of the time
the movable headlights illuminate each
other.
A huge speedometer dominates the
instrument panel. It goes up to
320 km/h, which suffices for the 50 bhp engine of
our sport version. After 8.2 seconds it shows 100 km/h, whereas
an independent measurement yields 60 km/h. The top speed is 150
km/h, although the sales brochure states flattering 280 km/h.
Artificially generated wind and road noises provide the illusion of
high
speed.
The driving impressions can be summarized as
sweet-tempered. Any dynamic manoeuvres are suppressed by the
compulsory track-control system, and the integrated distance
control function prevents overtaking even extremely slow
vehicles.
On the dashboard few and hardly visible control
instruments can be detected. During the entire ride, a
display lights up, warning
of grave defects. The manufacturer knows this and recommends to
ignore it.
Reliability and
Quality
We decide to end the test drive of our first candidate
and return to the base. When switching on the navigation system, a
pack of maps falls out of the glove
compartment.
After turning off the ignition, the Antidan-4's
engine continues running, and the key resists getting pulled
out. One is inclined to think that the vehicle doesn't want the
occupants to leave. This impression is strengthened when the belt
buckles cannot be unlocked even by use of considerable
force. Eventually we give up and with some acrobatic moves wriggle
out of the ropes. Now the once so easy-handling doors won't
open.
Our calls for help are answered by the side windows going
up. Simultaneously, the CD player spreads promotional statements
from the manufacturer. Switching it off fails because of
missing control buttons.
We will probably have to wait until the car runs out of
electricity or disintegrates. Until then - goodbye.
