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An on-site report



Four weeks after the regime had been toppled, first details of the circumstances became public. Until his removal, the antisensei XY demanded to be addressed as the "big belt dispensing chairman". Apparently he fled at the first signs of turmoil. His threats to retaliate any riot with the destruction of all rank certificates and to demote all insurgents to white belts were not put into action.


The existence of so called WMD (White belts for Mass Demotion) was the official cause for the intervention. However, according to a different theory, the executives in charge had been long planning to get rid of their once pampered ally. Since the antisensei disposed of the third largest resources of low rank members, one feared that he was about to establish his own association.


Under this perspective, the campaign might be interpreted as a warning  for similarly positioned egomaniacs. Representatives repeatedly spoke of an axis of fun and promised to change the former charlatan club into a beacon of traditional budo. For the near future, the first general, free, and genuine belt examinations were announced.


Even while the training was converted to real martial arts by an international crew of brown belts, a loyal vassal of the impostor cofirmed that the situation was under control and announced a big family event for the coming weekend, featuring refreshments, cookies, and graduations.


Shortly afterwards the antisensei was detected in his hideout, an old sports bag poorly camouflaged with handouts for a beginner's course. Without any resistance he surrendered to a group of white belts with the words, "I am XY, the popular sensei, recognized by international law."


Rumours tell that he was sold out by a sponsor hoping for a contract for a documentary about the brought down regime. Prior to the arrest, there were many hints concerning the charlatan's whereabouts. Evidently some former helpers wanted to earn the advertised reward, namely a pack of cookies and two chocolate bars.


One of the first persons renouncing his former master was the deputy antisensei. He stated to have been misled, and that he suffered a perennial blackout. He regretted the misunderstanding and affirmed to have never actively taken part in rank give aways.


Meanwhile, the antisensei is kept in a secret fitness center. In order to calm him down, he was given a paper crown and a styrofoam cepter. Several times a day he is reassured to be the boss, who can rely on unconditional loyalty. His repeated attempts to dupe the guards by fancy gradings and self-crocheted belts were fruitless.


While the majority accepted the change totally uninvolved, there were isolated campaigns for the re-enthronement of the quack. When a group of demonstrators organized a sit-in to enforce their usual quarterly promotions, they were lured to the nearby petting zoo by means of colored ribbons.


Quite a perfidious ruse succeeded at the gym. In order to stay anonymous, some former high rank followers put on green belts and blended in with the low rank training class; they will probably never be found.


Harrowing scenes took place at several aerobic studios. A party of former antisensei submissives fled there and asked for the, quote, "master of the premises" in order to submit themselves unconditionally.


One could be satisfied with the outcome of the campaign, was it not for rumours that only one of the antisensei's doubles had been caught. The real XY is said to have gone undercover and is now trading with self-made driving licences. 


 2005 UNE