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Charlassecure

II

 

Insurances

for the

modern consumer

 

 

against

 

Armageddon

 

 

Combined earth, moon, and sun policy.

 

MS-DOS

(Multiple Scenarios - Disaster Online Service)

 

!!!  Reduced burden of proof  !!!

Yeti Bite

 

 

Yeti bites rank among the most underestimated causes

for holiday terminations.

 

Yeti bites are often mistaken for land-shark attacks

and treated incorrectly.

 

Our insurance plan covers immediate transfer

 to the worldwide unique facility north of Heptane

for curing yeti bites.

 

Antimatter Detergents

 

 

With increasing frequency,

detergents cut with cheap antimatter go on sale.

 

During a regular washing cycle

up to 37% of your garment will disappear.

 

Protect your rags now.

Confide in our annulling clause.

 

Stock Cube Partial Coverage *

 

 

Damaged bouillon cubes do not only pose a safety hazard

but also cause a loss of reputation for the kitchen staff.

Insurance benefits comprise

overhaul of edges, corners, and the central broth body.

If necessary, the entire unit will be replaced.

 

(*  150 excess per claim)

 

Cell Phone Wormholes

 

 

Incorrectly configured mobile phones can generate black holes

which transport their users to parallel universes.

 

Immediately upon the damage event,

the policy holder will be provided a return wormhole. 

 

For a small surcharge, clients may chose between black,

brown, purple, green, orange, yellow, and white holes.

 

Computer Cats

 

 

Computer cats are special computer viruses

targeting computer mice and rendering them useless.

 

Computer cats are not detectable

and constitute a constant threat to your personal data.

 

Trust our feline assault contingency plan.

Vandalism by Extraterrestrials

 

 

Since the Middle Ages, vandalism by alien lifeforms has risen by 1732.05%.

Unreported cases are estimated to be 314 times higher.

 

(Animal rights groups point out that 98% of all alleged marten bites

can be attributed to extraterrestrials.)

 

Failing Belt Examinations

 

 

Do not be content with 100% certainty.

 

Avoid donation nerves and sleepless nights.

 

Only our policy guarantees absolute certainty.

 

Take cover now.

 

 2011 HAW   

 

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