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Charlassecure
II
Insurances
for
the
modern consumer
against
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Armageddon
Combined earth, moon, and sun
policy.
MS-DOS
(Multiple Scenarios - Disaster Online
Service)
!!! Reduced burden
of proof !!! | |
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Yeti
Bite
Yeti
bites rank among the most underestimated
causes
for
holiday terminations.
Yeti
bites are often mistaken for land-shark
attacks
and
treated incorrectly.
Our
insurance plan covers
immediate transfer
to the worldwide unique
facility north of Heptane
for curing yeti
bites. | |
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Antimatter
Detergents
With
increasing frequency,
detergents cut with cheap
antimatter go on sale.
During a regular washing
cycle
up
to 37% of your garment will
disappear.
Protect your rags
now.
Confide in our annulling
clause. | |
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Stock Cube Partial
Coverage *
Damaged bouillon cubes do not only pose
a safety hazard
but
also cause a loss of reputation for the
kitchen staff.
Insurance benefits
comprise
overhaul of edges, corners, and
the central broth body.
If
necessary, the entire unit will be
replaced.
(*
€150 excess per
claim) |
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Cell Phone
Wormholes
Incorrectly configured mobile phones
can generate black holes
which
transport their users to parallel universes.
Immediately upon the damage
event,
the
policy holder will be provided a return
wormhole.
For
a small surcharge, clients may chose
between black,
brown, purple, green, orange, yellow,
and white
holes. | |
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Computer Cats
Computer cats are special computer
viruses
targeting computer mice and rendering them
useless.
Computer cats are not
detectable
and
constitute a constant threat
to
your personal data.
Trust
our feline assault contingency
plan. | |
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Vandalism by
Extraterrestrials
Since
the Middle Ages, vandalism by alien lifeforms has
risen by 1732.05%.
Unreported cases are estimated to be
314 times higher.
(Animal rights groups point out that
98% of all alleged marten bites
can
be attributed to
extraterrestrials.) | |
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Failing Belt
Examinations
Do
not be content with 100%
certainty.
Avoid
donation nerves and sleepless
nights.
Only
our policy guarantees absolute
certainty.
Take cover
now. | |
© 2011 HAW |
