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Breaking News

 

 

Welcome to our special report on the unprecedented event which triggered headlines and shocked people as nothing else did in the recent past: The local antisensei let someone fail a rank examination.

We now cross live to our reporter on the scene.

 

What exactly had happened ? 

 

Yesterday at about 2:35 pm, a green belt student failed the test for purple belt.

 

Were there any prior indications that something was afoot ? 

 

No, everything went as usual until the giveaway event was suddenly interrupted by this incredible incident.

 

What was the reaction of the audience ?

 

Complete bewilderment. Veteran minions of the antisensei queried repeatedly if it was meant seriously. Yellow belt students started screaming. Most of the examinees panicked and withdrew their documents. When the tumult increased, the event was finally aborted.

 

Let's listen to some comments from eye-witnesses.

 

What the *** is going on in his mind. After all, it had been paid for. 

 

This has nothing to do with martial art any more.

 

If that is the new common practice, I will need two years for my black belt.

 

This guy should be publicly demoted.

 

He is the gravedigger of the budo spirit.

 

It is utterly *** ***, and I would love to *** and *** into his *** *** ***. 

 

Barbaric, inhumane, and despicable.

 

First the idle talk about tradition and now this. It's such a shame. 

 

Meanwhile the rank giveaway professionals' union published a statement renouncing from the actions of the antisensei. Can that be taken seriously ?

 

Well, this organisation mainly represents the interests of hypocrites, imposters, and officials in a most opportunistic way. In the past we have repeatedly experienced the sharp contrast between talk and action. Let's just recall their relentless denial concerning the introduction of micro-ippons at tournaments. These days, awarding thousandths of points and less has become common practice.  

 

Many things have to be clarified. We will now talk to some leading lobbyists.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, is this a solitary instance, a populist symbol, or the beginning of a fundamental change in graduation policy ? 

 

Yes, on the contrary. Here the antisensei reveals his true intent to please everybody. The until now chumming up to the general public shall be augmented by a subtle approach to the utopical contents-guided fringe factions.

 

We of the alternative grading group condemn this incident in the strongest way in the name of all green-belted life forms.

 

The antisensei is under pressure. He tries to gain votes from the quality driven groupings.

 

It is so obvious. The single purpose of this act is to induce a silent redemption of antisenseis.

 

Well, one should not generalize and pretend as if someone was acting on behalf of all charlatans. It is the doing of a misled individual.

 

Excuse me for interrupting. We just learned that as a consequence of  the events a new martial art association has been founded.

 

That is true. Yet, not only a new association was founded but also a new style. This was initiated by some former green belt students who appointed themselves as sixth master ranks in their new association. We talked to their spokesman. It is the failed green belt, by now a sixth black belt.

 

Sensei, how do you justify the creation of the new association ?

 

This step was an absolute necessity to secure the very survival of martial art. Especially we in the premier dan league do have a responsibility to live up to. The emphasis lies on the preservation of tradition, respect, and core values.

 

Master, we thank you for the clarifying explanations. 

 

 2010 UNE 

 

All Clear

 

No need to panic, no cause for fear, everything is in perfect order, everything is safe, nobody has even remotely failed a belt examination, and that will remain so in the foreseeable future. This text just entertains the idea what would be and why, if it happened, the unthinkable, the horror. And after all, in such a case quick remedy would be provided. The graduation market will sort it out and catch the rank consumer with new services and new products.

 2010 UNE

 

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