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The Dan Bear



Hello and welcome, dear animal lovers. The focus of today's report is on the dan bear. While not so long ago the dan bear was a common sight, now he is on the verge of extinction. Well, you might object that so many specimen can be observed in club enclosures and at various events. This is true, but usually the only thing those exemplars have in common with the furry chaps is the name. Mostly they are fun or sport breeds optimized for leisure time activity or winning trophies at questionable tournaments with nonsensical criteria.


The once versatile fighter, hero of many stories, top of the food-chain, and big role model has become a softened self-content teddybear. Sure, he can still adorn himself with the well-known outer looks, and he also hasn't completely lost his impressive roar. However, this must not belie the fact that he can hardly survive the wilderness. His hunting instincts have long been fallen prey to the feeding habits of today's consumer society.


It is foreseeable that the dan bear is going to share the fate of another popular species, the butterfly. We all know and cherish the colourful moths, but it is quite unknown that these amiable beasts once belonged to the most feared predators of the sky, until their infestation by the fun-parasite.


What will happen next? Is controlled breeding and eventual release into nature the solution? Let's recall the last attempt to set them free. After having reluctantly left their cage, the dan bears plodded disorientedly through the countryside. Suddenly, facing a fawn, the bears began hopping up and down until the game left totally confused. In front of a beehive the dan bears performed handstands and somersaults in order to get the desired honey as a reward. Thereupon the trial was aborted.


Some conservationists propose to familiarize the teachable Master Bruin with the usage of semi-automatic firearms to enable him to survive in wild nature. Up to now a field experiment on that score foundered on the protest of hunters, who fear high casualties among themselves. 


Nowadays one assumes that the repatriation runs incalculable risks, not only for the dan bears but for the entire fauna. According to the latest research, the spoiled behaviour of the degenerated breed can rub off on other species and lead to a creeping collaps of the whole habitat.


Soon we will know the dan bear only from narration. And maybe his very existence will finally enter the realm of myths and fairy tales, together with unicorns and television without commercial breaks.


2007 TDI